can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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