Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
