Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
