In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
