Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
