god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
