Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
