some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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