I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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