You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
