"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
