you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
