been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
