rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize