so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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