Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
