We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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