Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
