she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize