So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
