Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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