You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
