We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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