I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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