he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
