is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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