____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
