there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
