Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
