Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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