why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
