**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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