and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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