I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
