It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize