he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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