the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
