can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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