you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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