So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
