Your face is a jimmy john
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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