How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
