Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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