What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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