walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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