last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
