I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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