just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Come on in and take your pants off
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