Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
