so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
