I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
