from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
