Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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