He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
