I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
