I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
