The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
