I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
