Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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