dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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