It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
