Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
