i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
