Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
