I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
