It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize