and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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