so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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