so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
