I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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